Love for the moment and just enjoy the process even if it means getting more hurt in the end. we are with whoever we are now. why burden the future on ourselves now when we can enjoy the good life as it is now. i can't be sure that we will be together forever but i think we should treasure the moment now. for its memories are eternal. it will be one phase in life where i'll never forget. Enjoy now. (group terminology)

Am sorry yet thankful now.
gd night..

I dreamt I was a convict. I wasn't arrested for something but I know it was guilt for something I had done that turned myself in. Lots of feelings of rejection, fear and disappointment ran through my mind. It was so real that I was quite afraid i would never wake up whilst in the hold-up prison at the station. Thank God I was awoken by my mom and dad's usual minor bickering in the morning. hahah.. I wonder if dreams like these have any meanings or are they deja-vus? or mayb just as i always do.. TTM. hahahah oh wells. i am awake and living a good life now so thats all that matters (:

My essay shall be done by today... I hope..

here are lyrics from Linin's favorite song which I thought was Dammmmnnnn cool. but sad hahahaha oh wells.. enjoy..

"But then the dove of hope

began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that
my chances were
approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near,
so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird,
but it was just a paper bag"

Fiona Apple - Paper bag

pol sci project meeting went well but it made me realize the incoming work load that i was to face in the next week. 3 mid terms and an essay to hand in. sucks but i guess it'll be okay...

if only school days could be as great as today. studying was productive and yeah... everything else was fantastic as well (: I am truly glad that university life has unfolded to me as life is as it is right now. well beach day is tomorrow and i'm a tad tired tonight..

shall be penning off then. cya arnd everyone. take care (:

tell it to myself again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. LISTEN!!! why wouuuldnt I listennn!

rokay. off to studying.

All These Things That I've done - The Killers

When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
One more son
If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on
I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you got to help me out

And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you got to help me out
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
...

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you got to help me out
You're gonna bring yourself down
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

Over and out, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done
If you can hold on
If you can hold on

Relate.. 

(:

I made my own lunch yesterday!

my wan ton mee looks damn zai! hahahaha! but hmm it didn't taste as good as i thought it would. After close to half an hour of cooking, it kinda didn't pay off buttt... oh wells. haha. I miss mom and dad... Being alone at home really makes my soul linger for them :s Cooking.. cleaning the porch.. taking Rocky for shit walks and feeding him.. the fishes, rabbits and the turtle. sheez man so much for my folks retiring with all these chores in hand. Really glad that they have taken these 2 weeks off to China (: and i'll be praying for their safety and well being (:

I was thinking about some random stuff last night talking to friends online. How does one determine his or her own character? If someone has this certain characteristic, would it be possible for him/her to change it? Are characters like standardized in different human beings such that things he/she does will always tend in that direction. or does the mind control on what characters a person want to have? Pretty subjective question in my opinion. However i would like to believe that 'I am who I make myself to be'. 

After many self reflections i did for the past few days and weeks, the picture of my flaws are starting to register in my mind. Two immediate questions. To change or not to change. Thats what probably sparked of the idea above i guess.. haha I guess i still have a tendency to TTM about stuff despite my procrastinations not to. hmmm oh wait, doesn't that just prove that characteristics might not be changeable in the first place even if wanted! hahahaha oh wells. haha this makes me sound quite confusing i'm sure but don't worry friends. I know the road to go and i know i have you guys walking it with me (:

thanks yuxing! i know we all have our flaws and stuff but as you mentioned to reply my 'flawed' personal message on msn that day.. 'flawed but loved'. Sweet of you to say that hahaha ;) i'm sure you know that it applies to you and everyone of you friends as well! love all you friends deep deep rooookay? Woooosh!

shane. Don't give up too.. lol. we are knights yeah. hahah! OCT!

math lecture is hell boring. and pointless. thats it! i'm gonna join the R at the SRC now! hahaha

byeeeee (:

Nation building sucks donkey d*** man. Am probably gonna fail it just like the old days in my secondary school, stupid social studies.. but i guess i don't feel a tinge bit sad cause i didnt expect much from it either! Expecting nothing will make one a happier person! (:

dinner was awfully mockingly usual with the guys and gals. oh wells! the jap restaurant wasnt that bad for its price.. but hmms today will be the first and last time i'd eat curry udon. oh and there was a congregation of hundreds of snails at the back of the restaurant! what the hell. am contented to be having dinner with them once again..

ever had the feeling that your advice you give can't be applied to yourself? yeah. i have.. wells, i guess thats what friends in need are for sometimes. to remind you of someone that you really are or that you could be from the view above. thanks friends for the trust and for the self reflection it gives me.

"love for the moment and just enjoy the process even if it means getting more hurt in the end" one more quote i'd take home for the day. i love my friends! (:

Have you ever felt like the biggest pansy on Earth before? Felt like you were damnn useless? That words of one could smash you to pieces? Feel so non-dependent? That all you expect would never be obtained? That all you were expecting of is bullshit to begin with as it was nothing in the first place? That all you think was right has utterly come to the conclusion that it is wrong? Question the unquestionable and let the curiosity gut the living life out of you? Feel your flaws crawling all over your skin? Feel weakness? Ignorance? Stupidity?

Yes I felt it. All the above and many more of those negative feelings that i've been building in my mind. Am i a Optimistic person? I used to think i was.. well.. not till yesterday. but i guess i do think so again today, as.... things will be changing.

Thanks to you Cheryl. For slapping sense into that thick skull of mine back on the normal track. For being there once again to save my day and my life (: your words will never be forgotten i assure you. Well even if i do.. SLAP ME AGAIN hahahah... Thank you so much sis! <3

okay enough for the omgwtfsuperbbqchillicurrysauce self reflecting shizzo as mentioned above. My freakin first ever blog entry in my life and its this kinda stuff. Oh wells. I guess everything happens for a reason. I will always remember this date for i was enlightened (: hahahahaha yay! shit i'm going back into the topic again.. okay Soooo..... hmm how was your day Ben? IT BARELY EVEN STARTED! hah! Nation Building test is tomorrow and i'm doing my first ever blog entry, shitamama. hmm but this is indeed quite a therapeutic feeling of ranting over issues. i guess i'll be seeing this blog again sometime soon again :)

off to the books now!