the Beautiful Mess

mark.

2009-04-25T23:44:00.000+08:00

hey hey markeyyzzz :D

1st and last

2009-03-24T02:18:00.004+08:00

I've been bad. Let Him down. Wake up, its time. Chances have been given. Make use of them, I should. Sorry...

Strength please come to me... I pray..

baby,
when your wheels stop turning
and you feel let down
and it seems like troubles
have come all around
i can hear your heart beating.

thank you dear.

In the middle.

2009-02-27T00:31:00.003+08:00

Recess week is almost over! damn! Projects, mid terms and the millions of lab lessons are coming up next!! ARGH!

Everythings going to go full speed ahead after this week and theres no time to slacken off! As fast as these 6 weeks past i'm sure the holidays would come sooner than expected as well. Lets make the next 6 weeks unregrettable and all worth while! Study study study!!! (:

Nothings in my way anymore. Lucky me. All thanks to you <3

Lai liao! holidays! ((:

2009-02-09T00:00:00.008+08:00

"I think the world revolves around ME."

18

2009-01-28T18:14:00.002+08:00

Its third week and my umpteenth time in the library. School has been great nonetheless. Things are very different, way better though. Academics are biting my arse once again however, physics and com science are being a pain! Well, its every engineers must-have so I guess I ain't alone. (:

CNY is great. Met up with a whole lot of my old school mates at Ant's resort. Made me reminisce about days when I was a secondary school student. Its so nice to feel so different from back then. People I thought i'd never made an impression on open up with things that suprise. Grown up little boy I'd say, not fully but the direction is the correct one. Not to some but yes to those whose opinion count.

This one blessing makes everything okay. <3

New path

2009-01-12T13:33:00.002+08:00

School starts today! Due to not wanting to take special semester and failing of the bloody QET, schools gonna be a blast for me this semester. 7 modules with 7 exams. Blast in the ass! wooohooooo! hahahha!

On the brighter side, things have settled. I've found a better direction to work towards for tackling the sem and other things in the way have died down as well. My path is clear but long and whats better is that I ain't alone for the second time in my life. The race starts now and I know how to finish it ;)

ALL THE BEST FOR SEM 2 EVERYONE! (:

Wonderful

2009-01-07T00:02:00.006+08:00

the two in black who prowled the streets and tripped and fell down down down....

Heal Over

2009-01-03T19:12:00.002+08:00

It isn't very difficult to see why
You are the way you are
Doesn't take a genius to realise
That sometimes life is hard
It's gonna take time
But you'll just have to wait
You're gonna be fine
But in the meantime

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over
Heal over
Heal over someday

And I don't wanna hear you tell yourself
That these feelings are in the past
You know it doesn't mean they're off the shelf
Because pain's built to last
Everybody sails alone
But we can travel side by side
Even if you fail
You know that no one really minds
Come over here lady

Don't hold on but don't let go
I know it's so hard
You've got to try to trust yourself
I know it's so hard, so hard

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over, heal over, heal over someday

2009 will be legendary, just like how 2008 was spectacular.

Messed and discarded

2008-12-27T21:14:00.007+08:00

Wisely and slow

2008-12-20T16:30:00.003+08:00

this cold rain soon will be
turning into white snow

it will
cover this quiet little town

this
cozy little town

if I try to
take back time

though nothing
will change your mind

there will
be a man who's same as me

because
it’s always me and you

too far
to touch your hands

still running
down a windy road

too far to
touch your face

still running to
a rainy coast

still I never know
what I could do for you

I don't
know what I could do for
you...

this cold rain soon will
be turning into white snow

it will cover this quiet little
town

this cozy little town

By Buddhistson (some cool Japanese band)

shoot

2008-12-17T20:08:00.003+08:00

I went for my reservist shoot today. Took so much time to just shoot 60 bullets! From 0830 to 1900 just to do that! What the heck.. haha. Anyways, I got a score of 78 out of 100 today. Thats like one shot away from marksman, which also meant one shot away from two hundred bucks.

Though I didnt really expect to even come close to marksman, I fought hard to bargain for the two extra points. Reason being, because there was this hole on the target board which looked ambigously like two holes. It was bigger than the normal hole and it looked very very very much like two holes cause of some semi-circle marking or whatevers. Anyway, point being, the instructor didnt want to give me the two marks of that hole no matter how much I bickered.

Who would know if two or one bullet hit that hole? The target board is solid evidence but its the ambiguity of the shot mark which brings much to question. It just doesn't look right on the surface, but who would really know what the truth of the outcome is?

I gave up arguing and demanding. There ain't no way the instructor's gonna change his mind, and neither will I. I'll just take a step back and move along.

After ranting a bit more about the two marks to my friends, I looked back at the situation again. I passed the freaking test dammit. Some around me actually failed and here I am whining about the two points to excellence. Clearly I mislooked how lucky I already am. Getting a first class shooting score on the first go and not having to retake it again. Be satisfied with whatever and wherever life brings man. Even though things may not turn out the way I really want it to be, I've got it good compared to million others yo. Cherish it.. I will.

Its just amazing how things just happen in a certain way and brings so much thought to me. I can relate.. I really can....

I am sorry but most of all thankful. <3

run

2008-12-15T01:18:00.005+08:00

The rain smells terrible today. Took a deep breathe in expecting it to be nice but, it wasn't. The rain was ending. Thats probably why...
-SCREAM-

Skyrocket away

2008-12-12T00:03:00.003+08:00

Put down my shield
Embracing it, I let it hit me
I fell.

Its back up now
Cynical and skeptic for now
but I'll be waiting.

like a knife

2008-12-10T03:42:00.006+08:00

I made myself breakfast at 2pm today! I think my whole night/day cycle is screwed up. Now I know how you feel Peixian hahaha.. (: anyways, I made a simple egg and sausage for breakfast! Things just taste so much better when its self made somehow. lol. Well at least the picture doesnt look that bad! You should've seen the first egg which I gave my bro to eat. HAHAHA.

Rocky refused to shit today. He kept sniffing and sniffing the trees and grass like some druggie sniffing on crack. Probably going to shit in the porch tomorrow which i'm gonna kill him for! : \ I fixed the leaking ceiling and killed a couple of cockroaches later on..

The time has once again come where my parents are overseas. To most it maybe like a superb time to party and havoc! Not sure but I'd rather have them at home all the time. Oh well.

I miss the day light...

tia maria

2008-12-02T11:17:00.002+08:00

So what if everything we've been talking about comes to nothing in the end for you? It has for me but we're still the same. You're still you to me and i'm still me to you. Its the journey that counts in my opinion. I friggin enjoyed every minute of it with you. Everyone of you. (:

Yayness! itz here! :D

finishing

2008-11-26T17:51:00.005+08:00

I just can't get my mind to focus somehow. I've been sitting up on this bed with the lappie in my face for the whole day attempting to study and almost nothing but the word 'fuck this!' is resonating in my head. Haven't been in the best of moods these days but I guess it'll pass. Guess I ain't mature enough to deal with petty problems such as exams and stuff, but yes, my mle paper has seriously screwed my mood up. Its not like the kinda paper where I fared badly cause the paper was hard, its more of the kinda paper where I knew I could've done so much freaking better but I just didnt. I'll be judged by the results nonetheless. Bloody hell. I hate being misjudged. But then again, the actual results ain't out.

Well I just wanted to let that out so that I finally could (maybe) study with a clear mind. The content of the work ain't helping much though. This is the Last time, i'm ever gonna take a history module Ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever. You suck vinny. hahaha.

I'm just looking at things so differently now. Almost everything of my previous perceptions have changed. Is the process always like that? I know that I ain't a cynic but sometimes, as things have turned out, there is no escaping the truth. In every aspect, I detest to this present. I could say stuff like 'I told you so' or 'shit you were right' but well that doesn't matter at all does it? Why couldn't some things just go with the flow without any complications. I guess thats how the road twists and turns. If I could I would hit the restart..

Then again, even if i could, that wouldn't make much of a difference. I told my friend that day, "most of the time, its either you got it or you don't." well I guess this could apply to me as well. No point chasing cars. Well I have said that many times before. Not sure if i have followed. Take a chance, I did.

I wanna catch up with my past.

Didnt they say that life has their ups and downs? and that happiness and sadness comes in a pair? I'm just waiting for the tide to turn

sʞɔnsǝɟıl

2008-11-22T21:05:00.001+08:00

˙˙˙˙op uoƃ ı sı poʍ ˙ʎpɹol ɥo ˙dn ʇɥƃıɹ ʞɔɐq ǝɯ uʍd oʇ ɯǝɥɔ puɐ ɥʇɐɯ ɹoɟ ʍou ɐɥɐɥɐɥ ˙uʍop ǝpısdn ǝɯ pǝuʍo sɔısʎɥd

(:

2008-11-19T17:39:00.003+08:00

Baby, take off your cool
I wanna see you, I wanna see you
Baby, don't be so cool
I wanna see you, I wanna see you

Baby, take off your cool
I want to get to know you

happiness

2008-11-17T03:13:00.005+08:00

It rained today ;)

Today, for the rarest record, everyone I have met or talked to today is happy. Like seriously everyone. I'd like to savor this day forever hope for another one of these to come.

I like to believe happiness is contagious. Hope that i've been spreading the germ around like you all have been today. haha

Oh and mom thought I got a tattoo on my left arm. lol

Cheers my friends

1/8

2008-11-15T01:37:00.005+08:00

Last day of school was freaking fantastic. Walking on the pavement along the grass patch beside LT11 was nostalgic. So short yet full of memories. Last day of many sweet ones to come ahead man.

Btw, I ain't really that much of an optimist. I'll only say stuff which I know has full capability of happening. Giving false hope just urks me. I just hate painting stuff in dark colors. I'm serious.

Study mode - On.

Weaknesses

2008-11-13T03:03:00.004+08:00

Ignorance is not the case. Fully aware of it, it seems. Why fall then when the danger is known? Stand up, jump over or move on. Do something about it. Its not that you can't, you know that. Stop wasting so much time with things you cannot change.

My hands are stretched for everyone, thats the furthest I can go. Grab them if you want to. Grab them if you dare. I'll pull you up cause I can. However, the rest is up to you.

Oh... I guess I could kick your butt to move :)

Lets get going everyone. The battle has barely started. Brace up yo.

4am

2008-11-10T02:29:00.005+08:00

The sound was deafening and it was pouring. Flashes of white blinding light streaked across the sky that night. The sky roared like it was going to war with the land. Somehow, I was not taken aback or scared by it. I opened the window, looked up in the sky as a lightning bolt cracked the black pane of the night sky. As the thunder came booming, I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe.

The rain smells good.

thanks to You.

Is it Me?

2008-11-06T17:05:00.002+08:00

I might not be understanding enough. Many things in this world which I find hard to understand. Maybe I just don't have it in me to understand? Understanding to me comes as a choice. I usually want to be understood by my close ones and choose not to be for some others. I don't know how it may work for other individuals, where understanding can be obtained from just pure presence. I'd agree with that to a certain extent, but I still think that a little effort would curb that. I don't think any individual would not be understood if he or she really wanted to be understood. Never fully, but just enough. Question comes again whether one is seeking to be understood or not. That, I feel, is completely Your choice. Its You.

I think

2008-11-06T00:41:00.001+08:00

it may not seem so,

but I think you are matured, girl..

Let it fall

2008-11-04T21:53:00.004+08:00

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head

And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed

Nothin' seems to fit

Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun

And I said I didn't like the way he got things done

Sleepin' on the job

Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

But there's one thing I know

The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me

It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head

But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red

Cryin's not for me

'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'

Because I'm free

Nothin's worryin' me

It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Overslept

2008-11-02T23:16:00.003+08:00

overslept on my way back home on the bus..

My studies have not seem to be bothering me for quite awhile. The threat meter has been slowly inching its way up however.. Hmm. guess its time I put my priorities right and get more work done. Studying seems a tad much easier anyway..

I raged. Felt so much anger and hate for that moment as I reflected on the situation to see who and what was the problem. Yes I was blinded by the rage to see things from a fair point of view. I see it now however. Nonetheless, there is still a major fault and hatred I could harbor. Forgive but never forget? hell yes I wanted that. But it would be completely useless if things ended as such while seeing the situation in a calm state I am in now. Forgive and forget. Yes I will. The thing ends here. I'll show you...

I want to put this load off my back now. I might or might not pick it up. but i'll have to throw it on the floor now. If not, I will fall off my feet. That, is not an option.

Yesterday

2008-11-01T12:04:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I ate a slice of Raspberry Cheese cake at 3 am at night that was heavenly. Everyone should try that cheese cake from secret recipe! its just too yummy to miss out!

Yesterday I did my math tutorial 7 when my teacher is at tutorial 9. zzzzomg i'm freakin behind time.

Yesterday I played guitar heroes till my fingers trembled.

Yesterday, cheryl was helllllllll funny. PAD yo yo. ;)

Yesterday I celebrated constance's Birthday! hahah sorry cons for the lousy present :S but I sure hope you had a good 21st birthday yeah (:

Yesterday I sat BKs old Volkswagen Beetle!!! what a ride. freaking cute car i'd say. :D

Yesterday felt good somehow or rather..

Oh, i believe in yesterday..

Every Little thing

2008-10-31T09:58:00.009+08:00

I'm still here silly. i'll always be.. (:

Taller than ever

2008-10-29T09:30:00.005+08:00

Hello there,

Its a wednesday with no pol science lecture. That makes a free day for me. Yay.

Haha! I thought of a story/scenario: My thoughts and actions are put up on the suspects stand to be questioned. Questioned by countless numbers of lawyers. Lawyers who don't know me. Lawyers who are quick to judge. They vie for any flaws or loopholes, to pick on and tell the whole court about. Answering to any questions that are hurled at my way. Am amazed at the questions they are asking! I chuckle to myself at the baselessness of their questions. They don't know me yet. I wish they'd knew though, I probably wouldn't have to come up here if so! Well give em some time, I tell myself. They'll know me then.. If they want to..

Various witnesses arrive. Witnesses who give their 2 cents worth, which yet again might have their own personal intentions imbued with what they say. Then again. Some of them speak the truth, yet some others don't. As I seat back in the miniature cell where the suspect sits, I hear them speak. Most witnesses are friends. Not all close ones. Some as baseless as the lawyers from previously. Hearing their testimonies and opinions about me without being able to question is quite painful. Especially from the ones who aren't even close. However through out that phase, my family and close friend in the audience continuously give me affirming glances that instantly comforts my soul. I swear i would just die without it. The ones who really understand wouldn't say a thing. They'd just sit there, and smile.

Suddenly, revelation struck me. I don't need this bullshit. haha. I reached out my hands from the grails and the guard passes me the keys with a nod of acknowledgement. Half way through the trail, I walked out. The Judge didn't say anything, for he knew me better than all others. He created me. As I slammed the two doors for the court down, i walked out with my chin up high, taller than ever. I wake up from everything.

Hah. Now, I know. (:

HAHAH. what a stupid philosophical and cheem story. Can't believe I even wrote that. so dumb. I haven't written something so narrative like that since sec 4! Urgh. my writing skills still sucks. oh well

Lunch is here! Mom made bacon pasta for me. yummmy! :D

you don't know me yet I am like this to you. Hmmmm?

2008-10-26T14:08:00.004+08:00

Fr Fred's sermon today was good. (:

It was about the two most important commandments of the Bible. To love God and to love thy neighbor. The Gospel gave me much understanding and affirmation about Love! I somehow found an insatiable need to blog right after mass ended. haha.

I loved the way he described the action of loving. "to love is to be vulnerable. It may seem tough to do so but those who do will be rewarded at the end." He further emphasized about how opening up to love was equally important and hard to do. "it always takes someone to start the ball rolling." haha. He cited that being receptive to loving is usually misunderstood in the process as "the languages of love takes on many forms." He gave the excellent example of parental love which my naggy parents always display for me. (: haha i couldn't stop agreeing with him when he talked about uni students being caught up with their lives spending little time at home and sorta overlooking that the love their parents give. Terribly apt. haha. "Boys and men, no matter how old you grow up to be, in the eyes of your mother you will Always be a mommy's boy." hahahah. I agree. (:

Freaking apt I tell you. haha I feel so comforted at hearing all those words he spoke today, its as if someone out there is affirming me and understanding what i do. (: Thank you for always reaching out to me in ways I'd never expect. Thank you for hearing me all this time in silence to my ungrateful whims. I take much comfort and strength knowing you 3 will be always by my side in whatever i do. Thank you for that. (:

i love...

2008-10-25T01:46:00.004+08:00

That future is so compelling. Who doesn't want it to happen the way it does? Pegs fitting perfectly into the holes of the board of life. Everything is the way we want it to be! Life would be "Oh, sooo good." It will come I feel. Never in ways i'd expect it to thats for sure.

But,

the obsession kills it...

happy birthday shan shan (:

am very glad that you enjoyed every moment of that blindfolded walking around schoolios.. take care cause we've got a journey ahead of us yea! ;)

i love....

2008-10-23T23:34:00.003+08:00

Its me cause its you

I'm me, time knows

If I could I would

I will cause I can.

miss you you and you.

love..

2008-10-22T02:23:00.005+08:00

I would never again doubt my ability to love.

I freakin do love.

Love is a complex and big word. I cannot totally define it but i know roughly how and what love means or feels to me. Sometimes i question why I do, but heck it! If I could love then why would i question the reason i love! It must be something if i could love it this way. Regretting is not an option.

I Love because I am able to and want to do so.

I Love. and am loving it (:

2008-10-20T18:32:00.003+08:00

evening people.

this is a guest entry; a sinking person has came to lift herself up here.

amidst the stacking pigs and the rotating coloured blocks.

It feels solemn here, the world stops here. And yet, even when people hurried past me.. it takes mighty strength to feel accompanied.

Apples fall from trees when they are ripe.

They fall gently in the silence of the blackened night.

Heartily i want you to eat them.

Having it close.

Finally.

my friend loves, still.

2008-10-18T15:00:00.003+08:00

How many human beings have seen a shooting star before? I only know 2 others besides me who have seen the similar one that i have. Lucky? yes. very blessed. Did i want to see (sawn) a shooting star? nope. I had no expectations to seeing one. Guess it just came by, like all other good things does. It'll come, yes it will.

21 years and 4 days have passed and I can't help but look back. I've been a very lucky bugger in every aspect of life. Everything. Thank you to every single thing that i came across in these 2 decades of my life. good bad love hate irritating pleasing, all of it. Thanks.

Though I may seem like a little boy to most, but i think this week has been the week of my life where I feel that i may have matured. I don't think its cause of the 21 years though. Its just a matter of some mindsets and such. Oh well, who am i to say that i'm matured anyway? hahaha well. I guess thinking that i am is a start. The rest is up to You.

Oh, my life is changing everyday,

In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quiet as it seems,
Never quiet as it seems.

I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

I want more impossible to ignore,
Impossible to ignore.
And they'll come true, impossible not to do,
Impossible not to do.

I Love.

2008-10-12T02:38:00.001+08:00

2008-10-10T17:45:00.003+08:00

Took a walk in a park awhile ago.. Sitting down with my ipod, i began to think..

Everything is so contradictory. Its simple yet its complicated. its nice yet it still sucks. I think i know where to go but i think i'm lost at the same time. I am sure of my actions yet I regret them as hell. Everything is going as i wanted but yet i'm hating it the way it is. What the shit is wrong with me. I have no idea, sometimes. Life is good to me, yet it sucks still in some ways. Is this just the wide prospect of how life is? Or am i just too unappreciative of how good things have came my way? I seriously question sometimes.

ugh. I need to change the songs off my ipod.

haha buddy. you always seem to have it worse than me but you just take it and get back on our feet in a jiffy. I seriously admire and respect you for that and though i never said this, i am proud and glad that i have a best friend like you. Thank you for being one of the blessings in my life.

bye.

i love

2008-10-09T20:35:00.003+08:00

"Count your blessings you arse, stop expecting more. Everything has been nice and smooth, learn to be satisfied you idiot. You've got it better than loads of people clearly, so quit whining bitch and start moving!" I screamed to me.

"Alright man.." I smiled.

hahahahaha

I love.. (:

2008-10-06T23:49:00.002+08:00

thats not me. there may be some truth in it but I feel that the words bend my thoughts. Be it being successful or whether i'll be attached, i'm not going to let his words move me any further. I'll take it with a pinch of salt but I still strongly believe that life is a mystery. There ain't no way that is gonna affect the way I live and how I love in life now! Lol. Strong willed huh? Oh well. Looking at the mirror is no where as scary as looking into the window to the outside.

Discover everything in time to come. It sucks to not to be able to be natural. Well I guess its always the case for processes like these. Geez.

still love.

2008-10-04T23:47:00.003+08:00

hello (:

yay i went to school to study today! and I completed so much work that could never be done at home hahaha ((:

OH YEAH! its my Sister's birthday today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEB! :D With the buffet dinner at the riverview hotel today for Sis and tomorrow's japanese restaurant buffet dinner for Hans birthday, I hope i'll get fatter! :D

on the car with Deb and Nick (:

Headed down to Deb's place after dinner. Got a chance to see Jason on the webcam (: glad you're doing great Bro.. oh and guess what! Deb lent me her GUITAR HEROES III!

GOOD BYE CAP 5!!! hahahahahah (:

Life is great great great. wooooo (:

the fire is back. Looking back was all it took haha. geez.

i Love

2008-10-03T05:29:00.004+08:00

good morning. 0529. i am free of this week at last.

Lab tmr would mark the official end to my hell week. Actually i feel that hell week is quite an overstatement to make right now after everything has been done. This week was busy, but everything went smoothly for me. Many bonds were closed up, ideologies were budged and yet again the week makes the picture of life ever more clear.

I feel happy just knowing which direction i'm heading in for life. Sometimes I think the road ahead doesn't look familiar. Its not like the one i've been expecting to see, but yes i think i can get used to it.. If i have to.. i'll try to.. I will.. and I'll skip and sing as I go on its path (:

man.. 2 hours of sleep before i see the sun. but somehow, i just can't wait to.. (:

I love..

2008-10-01T03:51:00.004+08:00

Studied in school today.
Laughed at secrets.
Men to men talked.
Affected by nothing again.
Ignored some.
Ran the long way.
Accomplished the impossible.
Got stuck in a ditch.
Climbed walls.
Slapped sense into.
Stood up strong.
Stared at cynicism.
Blogged.

2008-09-28T23:28:00.005+08:00

Love for the moment and just enjoy the process even if it means getting more hurt in the end. we are with whoever we are now. why burden the future on ourselves now when we can enjoy the good life as it is now. i can't be sure that we will be together forever but i think we should treasure the moment now. for its memories are eternal. it will be one phase in life where i'll never forget. Enjoy now. (group terminology)

Am sorry yet thankful now.
gd night..

2008-09-25T13:26:00.002+08:00

I dreamt I was a convict. I wasn't arrested for something but I know it was guilt for something I had done that turned myself in. Lots of feelings of rejection, fear and disappointment ran through my mind. It was so real that I was quite afraid i would never wake up whilst in the hold-up prison at the station. Thank God I was awoken by my mom and dad's usual minor bickering in the morning. hahah.. I wonder if dreams like these have any meanings or are they deja-vus? or mayb just as i always do.. TTM. hahahah oh wells. i am awake and living a good life now so thats all that matters (:

My essay shall be done by today... I hope..

here are lyrics from Linin's favorite song which I thought was Dammmmnnnn cool. but sad hahahaha oh wells.. enjoy..

"But then the dove of hope

began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that
my chances were
approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near,
so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird,
but it was just a paper bag"

Fiona Apple - Paper bag

2008-09-23T23:27:00.003+08:00

pol sci project meeting went well but it made me realize the incoming work load that i was to face in the next week. 3 mid terms and an essay to hand in. sucks but i guess it'll be okay...

if only school days could be as great as today. studying was productive and yeah... everything else was fantastic as well (: I am truly glad that university life has unfolded to me as life is as it is right now. well beach day is tomorrow and i'm a tad tired tonight..

shall be penning off then. cya arnd everyone. take care (:

2008-09-21T19:48:00.004+08:00

tell it to myself again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. LISTEN!!! why wouuuldnt I listennn!

rokay. off to studying.

2008-09-20T01:24:00.002+08:00

All These Things That I've done - The Killers

When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
One more son
If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on
I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you got to help me out

And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you got to help me out
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
...

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you got to help me out
You're gonna bring yourself down
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

Over and out, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done
If you can hold on
If you can hold on

Relate..

2008-09-18T17:51:00.001+08:00

I made my own lunch yesterday!

my wan ton mee looks damn zai! hahahaha! but hmm it didn't taste as good as i thought it would. After close to half an hour of cooking, it kinda didn't pay off buttt... oh wells. haha. I miss mom and dad... Being alone at home really makes my soul linger for them :s Cooking.. cleaning the porch.. taking Rocky for shit walks and feeding him.. the fishes, rabbits and the turtle. sheez man so much for my folks retiring with all these chores in hand. Really glad that they have taken these 2 weeks off to China (: and i'll be praying for their safety and well being (:

I was thinking about some random stuff last night talking to friends online. How does one determine his or her own character? If someone has this certain characteristic, would it be possible for him/her to change it? Are characters like standardized in different human beings such that things he/she does will always tend in that direction. or does the mind control on what characters a person want to have? Pretty subjective question in my opinion. However i would like to believe that 'I am who I make myself to be'.

After many self reflections i did for the past few days and weeks, the picture of my flaws are starting to register in my mind. Two immediate questions. To change or not to change. Thats what probably sparked of the idea above i guess.. haha I guess i still have a tendency to TTM about stuff despite my procrastinations not to. hmmm oh wait, doesn't that just prove that characteristics might not be changeable in the first place even if wanted! hahahaha oh wells. haha this makes me sound quite confusing i'm sure but don't worry friends. I know the road to go and i know i have you guys walking it with me (:

thanks yuxing! i know we all have our flaws and stuff but as you mentioned to reply my 'flawed' personal message on msn that day.. 'flawed but loved'. Sweet of you to say that hahaha ;) i'm sure you know that it applies to you and everyone of you friends as well! love all you friends deep deep rooookay? Woooosh!

shane. Don't give up too.. lol. we are knights yeah. hahah! OCT!

math lecture is hell boring. and pointless. thats it! i'm gonna join the R at the SRC now! hahaha

byeeeee (:

2008-09-18T00:53:00.001+08:00

Nation building sucks donkey d*** man. Am probably gonna fail it just like the old days in my secondary school, stupid social studies.. but i guess i don't feel a tinge bit sad cause i didnt expect much from it either! Expecting nothing will make one a happier person! (:

dinner was awfully mockingly usual with the guys and gals. oh wells! the jap restaurant wasnt that bad for its price.. but hmms today will be the first and last time i'd eat curry udon. oh and there was a congregation of hundreds of snails at the back of the restaurant! what the hell. am contented to be having dinner with them once again..

ever had the feeling that your advice you give can't be applied to yourself? yeah. i have.. wells, i guess thats what friends in need are for sometimes. to remind you of someone that you really are or that you could be from the view above. thanks friends for the trust and for the self reflection it gives me.

"love for the moment and just enjoy the process even if it means getting more hurt in the end" one more quote i'd take home for the day. i love my friends! (:

2008-09-17T01:26:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt like the biggest pansy on Earth before? Felt like you were damnn useless? That words of one could smash you to pieces? Feel so non-dependent? That all you expect would never be obtained? That all you were expecting of is bullshit to begin with as it was nothing in the first place? That all you think was right has utterly come to the conclusion that it is wrong? Question the unquestionable and let the curiosity gut the living life out of you? Feel your flaws crawling all over your skin? Feel weakness? Ignorance? Stupidity?

Yes I felt it. All the above and many more of those negative feelings that i've been building in my mind. Am i a Optimistic person? I used to think i was.. well.. not till yesterday. but i guess i do think so again today, as.... things will be changing.

Thanks to you Cheryl. For slapping sense into that thick skull of mine back on the normal track. For being there once again to save my day and my life (: your words will never be forgotten i assure you. Well even if i do.. SLAP ME AGAIN hahahah... Thank you so much sis! <3

okay enough for the omgwtfsuperbbqchillicurrysauce self reflecting shizzo as mentioned above. My freakin first ever blog entry in my life and its this kinda stuff. Oh wells. I guess everything happens for a reason. I will always remember this date for i was enlightened (: hahahahaha yay! shit i'm going back into the topic again.. okay Soooo..... hmm how was your day Ben? IT BARELY EVEN STARTED! hah! Nation Building test is tomorrow and i'm doing my first ever blog entry, shitamama. hmm but this is indeed quite a therapeutic feeling of ranting over issues. i guess i'll be seeing this blog again sometime soon again :)

off to the books now!